Saturday, September 22, 2007
I always dreaded exams; this despite the fact that by and large, I have always done well in my exams (apart from my P5 Math paper, O Levels English paper, F Math promo, J2 common test 2, and of course EACH & EVERY SINGLE paper last semester).
However, I dread them for different reasons: when I was young, it was the expectations from myself to maintain the sometimes unreasonably high standards I had set for myself. For my past 2 semesters, however, the dread was because I had not studied to even half my ability. In short, I was grossly unprepared. Why was I unprepared? Because I was wasting my time on matters which 1) yielded no returns 2) would never allow me to be appreciated despite my valiant attempts, because everything I had done always seemed inadequate and useless; when everything I had done was deemed wrong.
And ultimately, my gamble hadn't paid off, because not only did they affect my grades, I ended up having to put up with massive afflications of pure mental and emotional torture, the remnants of which remain even up till today.
The past 24 hours, I was experiencing some sort of renaissance: I actually enjoyed the feeling of working. Ok, so I wasn't exactly studious, Yuan Rui caught me watching Death Note 2 and we ended up watching it together; I was looking at laptops, and above all, listening to Bond play out one of the most unique versions of Canon In D. But, putting all these aside, I was actually studying! And now, having completed 2 massive assignments (with 2 more to go, as well as studying for my math 293 prelims), I feel very much invigorated. Not because I am a workaholic, but because it was satisfying having completed your assignments. And the faster I finish them, the more time I would have to prepare myself for next 2 weeks' prelims. And the dread for prelims shall vanish!
So it's a short respite from work, a slow jog in the cooling weather, and then, it's back to work. No more MSN, no more procrastinating: I MUST finish catching up my ORIE 320 ( esp Simplex), complete the problem sets for H Adm 225, and start revising for my MATH 293 prelim. That shall leave me enough time to start in my NBA assignment tomorrow!
Ciao, and wish me luck :- )
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4:45 PM
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
For someone who has enjoyed the beautiful weather and breathtaking sights that is Cornell/Ithaca over summer, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that leaves are falling off branches, jackets are coming off shelves and are being paraded along Campus road, squirrels scuttling to beef up their homes and stock up on nuts... the list goes on. In short: AUTUMM IS HERE! (and so is winter, before you know it >.<)
Winter brings with it bad memories; it was then that everything crumbled last fall semester, where the stress of exams, coupled with the gloom and doom that winter brought along, finally got the better of my sanity, as I descended into a a bottomless pit of endless problems and sheer despair. It was miraculous how I managed to survive, but then, the same was said of my 2 years at National Service. Somehow, I get the feeling that however trying times can be, they will eventually pass; it's a matter of remaining steadfast and wait for the storm to blow over.
Looking back at my previous post, where I confidently proclaimed I would survive 22 credits in a semseter and emerge better than before, I have my doubts about the eventuality of that outcome. Because it has been tough, massively difficult handling 6 classesm because somehow or rather, the deadlines for various assignments seem to coincide with one another. Whereas last semester it was Engrd 270, Asian 212, Math 294 on Friday, ORIE 350 and Math 192 on Tuesday, this semester, Math 293, NBA 506, ORIE 360 are ALL due on Tuesday! It's crazy how work just never seemed to be ending, and before you know it, more work is piling up at the front of the your desk, exaccerbated by the minor distractions that come in the form of quizzes, and of course, the Holy Grail, prelims (and eventually Finals) !!!
Yes, my baptism of fire comes in the form of Math 293 prelim next Thursday, followed by a hellish week that includes Hadm 225, ORIE 360 and ORIE 320. And then, it's off for a 5-day fall break, before more prelims kick in. It's crazy amount of work isn't it?
And the worse of it all? I have so much more distractions that amuses/irritates/scares me! Imagine this: you had stayed at a house for over 3 months, in relative peace and calm, and then you suddenly found yourself ousted from your room by Jerry the mouse! Yes, I am not talking bull, but there was a mouse in my residing in my attic walls! And a fiercesome one too! How so? I tried to block out the cute littl' semi-circular hole (like the ones you see in cartoon :-) ) , and it dug a littl littl hole right beside it! And when Yuan Rui (now known as Isaac!!!) decides to be merciful and buy a mouse glue (a cardboard with adhesive surface) rather than the good ol' guillotine-style mouse trap, it actually bit off the parts of the board which its front leg got stuck onto (ie, Jerry is wearing shoes!!!)!!! (ok, I confess despite Eve correcting me after being corrected herself by Prof. Snow, I am still very bad with punctuations! lol) In the end, the landlord decides to put poison and seal up the hole, which I reckon, was too fast??? (what if Jerry dies in the hole? Gross!)
Then, there was my late night studyings (typically till 4-5 am ) followed by nights of total sleep (much like hibernation where I seem to just zzzz forever!) One such night was last night: Eve "took pity" on my plight, agreed to go study together, and eventually we settled on the 4th level student's lounge @ Rhodes. Huge comfy sofas, cosy temperatures, perfect for sleeping! But we were so studious! She managed to finish her essay, while I finished my Econs assigt! Then it was time to head back, but we weren't finished! The louise Lunch truck was whetting our appetite, and finally she ( I didn't!) succumbed to her hunger pangs ( and probably the cold too!) Worse, by then, it was already 2+ , and with our sleep cycles turned head over heels, we were too "hyper" to sleep, so we "buble" about "everything", mostly about Jerry and maybe Tiramisu (?!?).
And suddenly I remembered that night when we decided to reward ourselves for being studious (totally groundless!) by lying upon the vastness of Libe Slope, watch the clouds go by, and basically take in every single possible of nature that defines a huge part of Cornell, before it gets consumed by the wintry chills. It was a lovely night, much akin to "watching the world go by," (Eve, I had learned well, haven't I?!?), and pretending work and stress was non-existent, when the world compriseso only us and nature!
But of course, we are practical people, so before long, REALITY CHECK, and then it was back to work, work and more work. But in truth, I kinda enjoyed the periodic periods of sheer dreaming and total getaway from work ( so long as it didn't become too frequent!!!), because such short respites energise, rather than enervate, me, giving me the extra omph to soldier on!
And I guess it's time to get back to work. The maxim of "work hard, play hard" was truly difficult to live up to, but so long as work >>> play, and we maintain out discipline, we will all have a fulfilling, and sastisfying year ahead of us! Cheers to all those slogging away at work, we will survive!
Auspicium Meliori Aevi ( nothing is more apt than this, especially now )
Henry :-)
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10:04 AM
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