Saturday, September 22, 2007
I always dreaded exams; this despite the fact that by and large, I have always done well in my exams (apart from my P5 Math paper, O Levels English paper, F Math promo, J2 common test 2, and of course EACH & EVERY SINGLE paper last semester).
However, I dread them for different reasons: when I was young, it was the expectations from myself to maintain the sometimes unreasonably high standards I had set for myself. For my past 2 semesters, however, the dread was because I had not studied to even half my ability. In short, I was grossly unprepared. Why was I unprepared? Because I was wasting my time on matters which 1) yielded no returns 2) would never allow me to be appreciated despite my valiant attempts, because everything I had done always seemed inadequate and useless; when everything I had done was deemed wrong.
And ultimately, my gamble hadn't paid off, because not only did they affect my grades, I ended up having to put up with massive afflications of pure mental and emotional torture, the remnants of which remain even up till today.
The past 24 hours, I was experiencing some sort of renaissance: I actually enjoyed the feeling of working. Ok, so I wasn't exactly studious, Yuan Rui caught me watching Death Note 2 and we ended up watching it together; I was looking at laptops, and above all, listening to Bond play out one of the most unique versions of Canon In D. But, putting all these aside, I was actually studying! And now, having completed 2 massive assignments (with 2 more to go, as well as studying for my math 293 prelims), I feel very much invigorated. Not because I am a workaholic, but because it was satisfying having completed your assignments. And the faster I finish them, the more time I would have to prepare myself for next 2 weeks' prelims. And the dread for prelims shall vanish!
So it's a short respite from work, a slow jog in the cooling weather, and then, it's back to work. No more MSN, no more procrastinating: I MUST finish catching up my ORIE 320 ( esp Simplex), complete the problem sets for H Adm 225, and start revising for my MATH 293 prelim. That shall leave me enough time to start in my NBA assignment tomorrow!
Ciao, and wish me luck :- )
;
4:45 PM
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